The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
