just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
