umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I want a musical about memes.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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