HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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