Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize