I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
