Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
