Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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