Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize