And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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