MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Randomize
