I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
