My room smells like vodka and shame
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize