you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
