I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
