Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
