do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
