So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
