final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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