WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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