Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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