Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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