He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
