tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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