Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
