You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
