Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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