Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
