i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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