Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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