I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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