Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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