you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
