I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
