I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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