This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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