We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
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