She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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