I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
