I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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