K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
