you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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