rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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