u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
