I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
