Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You have to summon your inner elephant
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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