I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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