was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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