Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
