At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
