Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
