last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
