You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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