I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
