I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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