Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
