thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
how does that bad decision feel?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
