Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize