My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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