Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
