All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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