i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
