Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Boobs are out for the taking
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If I die, sorry about rent.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
