U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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