We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
