She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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