I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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