you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
