Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just high enough for therapy.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
