Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
