She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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