i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
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