Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I smell like Dick and happiness
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
