Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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