have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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