my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
zippers are such a cool invention
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
