trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
