my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
