We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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