I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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