he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
