I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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