...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
