We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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