My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
