I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize