call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
