Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
