From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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