i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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